


Tell Me A Piece of Your History

by Elliffiatta



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety and depression issues, M/M, body image issues, sort of idk if it's really gonna be major to the story tho, will add tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 07:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13806363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elliffiatta/pseuds/Elliffiatta
Summary: "The strangest thing about losing the thing you love most in life is that you realize you can't remember who you were before you found it and you no longer know how to be a who you are without it."Having lost the bright future in figure skating that was just a breath away from his grasp due to compounded back injuries, Yuuri Katsuki struggles to relearn how to live a life devoid of the one thing that lit up his soul. Trying to escape the painfully fresh memories of his dashed hopes he transfers to a new university where his path crosses with that of the university figure skating team captain Viktor Nikiforov.





	Tell Me A Piece of Your History

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first endeavor into fanfiction I hope you enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments or you can always chat with me @softyuu-ri on tumblr ^_^
> 
> Hello again! I updated this first chapter on 3/5/18 and I'm working on Ch. 2! Please keep leaving comments and kudos! I'd love to hear your feedback! Thank you <3

“I’m… I think I’m gonna transfer schools”

Phichit’s eyes grow wide as they dart up to Yuuri’s face, a slight wheezing noise coming from his throat as he nearly chokes on his mouthful of food.

“What?! Why?!” He almost yells, after swallowing the whole mouthful in a hasty gulp, drawing looks from other students passing them by in the busy cafeteria.

“There’s just nothing here for me anymore, you know?” Yuuri replies, pushing around the little bit of food on his plate that he’d barely picked at. “This school’s literature program is pretty average and now that it’s all I’ve got going for me, I feel like I should at least be getting a degree that’ll be worth something.” Yuuri sighs tiredly as he looks up at Phichit, his gaze settling somewhere behind him. “There’s a university further north with a pretty well acclaimed literature program I think I might have decent shot of getting into. I’ll be moving in the fall, if I get in, anyway,” he says as he looks back at his food.

“But, what about your friends Yuuri? If you transfer now, you won’t know anybody. You’ll have to start all over in a new city.” Phichit looks so worried, with his straight, bushy eyebrows pinched together over his wide, puppy-like eyes, Yuuri doesn’t have the heart to tell him that’s the whole point. It’s been almost five months since the accident and the sudden end of his skating career and Yuuri’s tired of feeling pitied by his friends and former teammates, the whole student body in general if he’s being honest. He constantly feels the crushing weight of expectations he’ll never be able to fulfill and he just can’t take it anymore. Yuuri shakes his head slightly, trying to reassure Phichit instead,

“It’ll be ok,” he says, putting on the best smile he can muster, “it all depends on if I get in anyway. I won’t hear back for a few weeks.”

“I’ll miss you” Phichit says a little sadly.

“I’ll miss you too,” _I really will_ Yuuri thinks, Phichit was his closest friend, he’d been with him through more than with anyone else.

“Don’t worry though! We can facetime all the time! I promise!” Phichit beams at him and Yuuri can’t help the small genuine smile that crosses his face.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

_God it’s cold in here!_ Yuuri thinks as he checks the thermostat in his new apartment for the third time in the last four hours. 16º shows the small display, it’s almost like it’s mocking him. The heat in this new place is controlled by the landlord, and the landlord refuses to turn on the heat until it’s below 15º. _Stingy_ Yuuri thinks bitterly as he goes back to unpacking boxes, at least the exertion of moving in has been keeping him relatively warm. After another hour he’s down to the last box, it’s filled mostly with random bits that didn’t fit in other boxes, a few things for his desk, the dustpan from his old place that works weirdly well, some old notebooks he’d kept for reference, a framed picture of him and Phichit which he wanders around with for a few minutes before finally settling on placing it on the bookcase near his desk. As he looks back into the box he feels unwelcome emotion swelling in his chest, the only thing left at the bottom are his skates, he isn’t even sure why he brought them but before he can think about it any longer he throws them in the back of his closet hearing them clatter against the wall before settling with a thump. He grabs up all the empty boxes with a huff swinging the door open and stepping into the hallway before deflating. He gently leans the boxes against the hallway wall and scurries back inside to his closet where he kneels down and finds his skates in the darkness, carefully setting them upright before heading back out to take the boxes to the recycling bin.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It’s been three weeks since Yuuri moved into this new town and started classes at the university. His classes go by in a monotone blur but he’s keeping up, barely. The town is cozy with its many small hills and cobblestone streets and antique architecture and the people are generally friendly. The employees at the grocery store he frequents have begun to recognize him and they even have brief chats with him now, during which Yuuri tries his best not to be awkward but he often doesn’t know what to say, stalling the conversation, or can't figure out what to do with his hands while he waits or he fumbles the deli package as it’s handed to him, but they smile kindly at him anyway. His landlord has finally turned the heat on, and he found out his neighbors have an adorable pit bull with droopy eyes and a permanent gummy smile. Objectively it’s not going badly Yuuri thinks. But he can’t shake the grey fog that seems to permanently surround him, muting everything, clinging to his skin like suffocating humidity, weighing him down enough that he feels exhaustion in his bones before he even gets out of bed in the morning.

Unusually, this afternoon Yuuri’s wandering around a new part of town he hadn’t been to yet. He’s walking slowly, occasionally stopping to stare at particularly interesting houses, he’s definitely lost. He had overheard two of his classmates talking about a farmers market in this area that had some amazing food stalls aside from the usual produce which sounded like a significantly more appealing activity to Yuuri rather than going directly from class to studying. Rather than interrupt their conversation to ask them about it and deal with introductions and niceties Yuuri figured he’d just go to that side of town and he’d be able to sniff it out from there. Unfortunately this plan had worked out poorly for him and he is now walking down yet another residential side street with no one in sight when he spots two girls with gym bags passing by on the parallel road.

“E-Excuse me!!” he calls out hesitantly, quickening his pace a bit to catch up to them. The girls halt and turn around looking confused and mildly wary. “Sorry to bother you.” Yuuri stops in front of them pausing a moment to catch his breath, winded slightly. “I was looking for the farmers market around here and, I-” If he wasn’t already flushed from his quick jog he knew he’d be pink from the embarrassment he feels now, “I got a bit lost. I’m new, and live on the other side of town. Would you mind pointing me in the right direction?” The girls giggle slightly, relaxing as one of them pipes up

“Ah sorry, the farmers market was actually yesterday, but it’ll be back open again next week if you want to go then.”

“Oh” is all Yuuri can manage as he definitely feels his face get pinker at the realization of his mistake.

“It’s ok!” The other girl says. “We’re headed to practice at the top of the hill, if you follow us we can point it out to you at the top so you know where to go next week! You can probably see your house from up there too!”

Yuuri follows the two girls to the top of the hill. The walk is quiet, each of them intent on getting to their destination. When they reach the summit the girls point down the hill to a large square where Yuuri can just make out the tops of empty market stands, he thanks the two and they head off down a pathway branching off of the main road.

Yuuri takes a moment to admire the view of the town sloping down the hill, gently rising and falling in the distance. The fall air is crisp on his face and he breathes in deeply. He can spot the roof of his apartment building from here and it’s not actually that far away he realizes with relief.

The thought of going back to his empty apartment makes Yuuri’s stomach turn and he feels a familiar unwelcome tightness near his eyes. Without much thought he turns around and goes down the same path the girls had disappeared down. The path is narrow, well trodden dirt shaded gently by trees just beginning to turn the colors of autumn. To one side the hill gently slopes back down the way he came. The grass is soft green speckled with pale colored flowers, it looks so soft and inviting Yuuri is tempted to just sit there and look out over the town but he decides that’s a bit too introspective of an activity at the moment. As he makes his way further down, the path takes a slight curve, as he rounds it a large white galvanized building comes into view. Yuuri instantly recognizes it as an ice rink, as he walks up to it he can make out the sign above the door that reads “ICE CASTLE”. He can hear the sounds of skates against ice as he reaches for the door handle.

It’s been five months since he last skated, Yuuri realizes, and he certainly has the extra pounds to show for it he thinks as he looks down at his body, visibly squishy even beneath several layers of clothing. Maybe it’s time to for him get back on the ice he thinks, picturing the dark corner at the back of his closet where his skates have been sitting collecting dust for the past month, even if it’s just light exercise, it’s certainly not the worst thing he could do for his body he thinks, self consciously crossing his arms over his soft stomach.

Mustering up his resolve Yuuri makes his way inside the building spotting the information desk right away. A young woman with light brown hair tied back messily and brown doe eyes is sitting behind the desk, Yuuri’s courage falters slightly at the sight of someone so pretty, knowing he’s not only going to have to talk to her but also do so while acutely aware of his body’s currently flawed state. Pulling himself together Yuuri manages to start walking again towards the desk. The woman looks up at him as he approaches.

“Hello!” she says cheerfully “Welcome to Ice Castle! I’m Yuuko”

“Uh, hi.” Yuuri responds

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before! Are you new? Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Uh yeah actually, I just transferred to the university a few weeks ago and I was just wondering when your open skate sessions are and what your fees are?”

“Sure thing!” Yuuko responds enthusiastically as she flits around her desk looking for something, before handing Yuuri a small pamphlet “Here’s our full schedule and on the back are our fees but we do waive the open skate fee if you rent skates from us for the same session.”

“Great, thanks so much.” Yuuri says pocketing the pamphlet

“I hope to see you soon uh-?”

“Ah! Yuuri! Yuuri Katsuki! Sorry for not introducing myself before, it was nice meeting you Yuuko” He waves as he heads out the door.

The walk back to his apartment is less dismal than it would’ve been otherwise. There’s a gnawing anxiety in Yuuri’s gut but it has something to focus on. Yuuri has a goal, tomorrow he’s going to go to the open skate session.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Yuuri’s last class finishes at 3:15 and the open skate starts at 4 he knows he wants to get in before the crowd so he can use as much of the ice time as possible, so he has to rush. It takes him about ten minutes at a brisk walk to get to his apartment where he drops his books by the door and rushes to get changed. His leggings are too small and don’t come up quite far enough over his stomach to be comfortable but he doesn’t have time to do anything about it so he grabs the largest sweater he has and pulls it on hastily hoping it will cover up the rest before grabbing his skates and backpack and rushing out the door almost forgetting to turn the lock.

It’s another 20 minutes of brisk walking to the Ice Castle and this time it’s uphill. By the time Yuuri reaches the Ice Castle doors he’s feeling desperately out of shape and wonders if he’ll even manage to skate for the next hour. After catching his breath for a few minutes outside the door he walks in and greets Yuuko when he sees her behind the desk again.

“You came back!” she exclaims

“I did” Yuuri responds, smiling a little at her enthusiasm.

“Sorry it’s a little extra busy today. The university team stayed late so they’re still getting off the ice but there’s still room for everyone!”

“Oh ok no worries,” Yuuri says handing over five dollars for the open skate fee.

“Did you need to rent skates?” Yuuko asks.

“I brought my own” Yuuri says holding up his still slightly dusty pair.

Yuuko’s eyes widen as she lets out a soft whistle “Wow those are a sweet pair of skates. Did someone lend those to you?”

“Ahh, no, I used to skate competitively, a bit.” _even though i definitely don’t look it_ Yuuri berates himself.

“Oh! I had kinda pegged you as a recreational. Uh I mean, sorry I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Oh don’t worry it’s ok!” Yuuri says laughing gently even as he feels a twinge in his chest. “Well I’m gonna get out on the ice don’t wanna miss all my time,” Yuuri says heading over to the benches to put on his skates.

“Yeah ok! See ya!” Yuuko calls after him.

Yuuri sits down near the opening to the rink, when he bends forward to set down his skates he feels the waistband of his leggings cutting into his stomach uncomfortably, he yanks down on his sweater in an attempt to cover himself more even though he finds nothing exposed. Just as he’s finishing up the laces on his skates he sees figures coming towards the rink exit.

Looking up he watches as six obviously seasoned skaters step off the ice one by one. They’re each dressed in some variation of black leggings and a well fitted top, their obvious muscle tone only made more pronounced as they each stop, bending over to snap on their skate guards, before heading towards the locker rooms. Yuuri feels a twinge of jealousy, even at his best he never looked like that, all rippling muscle underneath clinging t-shirt fabric, and glutes so defined they’re practically angular. He’s taking in the almost artistic contrast between a maroon v neck and the barest sheen of sweat on smooth pale skin when he notices cerulean eyes staring back at him. Staring. He’d been staring, _oh god_ , Yuuri scrambles to look away, desperately searching for something else to occupy his attention, eye’s latching on to the dust on his skates. He bends over quickly to the dust them off, feeling his sweater ride up his back. Yuuri quickly sits back up tugging down his sweater. He feels his cheeks warm from the movement and even more from embarrassment. When he finally looks up from his skates all he sees is the retreating back of the skater and the glint of his silvery hair as he disappears through the locker room doors.

The next forty five minutes go by poorly and uneventfully. Yuuri spends most of it skating slow laps around the rink wishing he could shrink into himself and trying to avoid raucous children, and the occasional new skater and their support group clinging to the boards. When the large timer on the wall reads 10 minutes left he thinks he's gotten a socially acceptable amount out of his five dollars. He can't help but sigh with relief as he makes his way off the ice. The ice used to feel like home to him but here, now, with all these people around and the image of what real skaters are supposed to look like fresh in his mind he can't help but feel ashamed and uncomfortable in his own skin, specifically his extra twenty pounds and new belly rolls when he sits down. God he wishes he could just skate freely. Even if he has his limitations at least on empty ice his anxiety wouldn't strangle him. As he undoes his skates Yuuri finds himself thinking wistfully of the rink at his old university and his three am visits to the ice when he could skate alone, in complete silence. It was in those moments, when his world seemed to exist separate from passing time and expectations, that he truly felt like he was flying. The ice gave him wings but in the end it took it all away too, Yuuri thinks bitterly, jamming his feet into his shoes, he needs to get out of here. The rest of the crowd is starting to make their way off the ice as Yuuri rises from the benches. He throws Yuuko a quick wave and a smile as he heads out the door but he knows he must have seemed oddly rushed, and that Yuuko could probably see the tightness around his eyes when he smiled.

That night he can barely look at himself, avoiding the mirror when he goes for a bath, keeping his eyes closed for most of it, even brushing his teeth he has to avert his eyes. He feels on edge all evening until finally, he’s able to lay in bed, pulling all the covers up to his neck, curling in on himself as close as possible and shutting his eyes tightly until he drifts off feeling like something small in a sea of down and cotton.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The following week Yuri doesn’t do anything outside of classes and the most necessary errands. Each day he comes home and his eyes involuntarily settle on the skates he left by the door that day. There’s a feeling, like an itch in his limbs, like a physical need to get back on the ice after the paltry experience last week. As if that miserable hour on the ice was a glass of water spilled in front him after he’d been patched for the past five months, serving only to remind him of his thirst and doing nothing to slake it. But there was no way he was going to go through that kind of embarrassment again. 

At the end of the week Yuuri actually manages to force himself to go to the farmers market. The effort it takes to drag himself out of bed and across town is thankfully rewarded. The food stalls live up to the hype and they're even reasonably priced. Yuuri’s wallet is thanking the gods for that as he’s making his way down the row of stalls buying at least one of each stall’s specialty as he goes. He’s currently focused on juggling an okonomiyaki on a paper plate in one hand, a second pirozhki in the other and the remainder of the first in his mouth when he bumps into someone. 

When he looks up, he finds himself staring into familiar brown doe eyes and after the second it takes to register the messy ponytail and familiar face he immediately starts babbling apologies to Yuuko.

Yuuko, calms his apologies and soon enough the two are walking through the market together and chatting amiably. Eventually, the topic Yuuri had been hoping to avoid is broached.

“I haven't seen you again at the rink,” Yuuko says as they wind their way through the flow of people. 

“Ah yeah…” Yuuri stalls, rubbing his neck in slight embarrassment. He narrowly avoids elbowing a young girl in the face with the action and feels his embarrassment increase ten fold at his clumsiness.

“You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to.” Yuuko waves the topic off. “It's ok if you don't like the rink either. Lots of ex-competitive skaters have strong preferences based on their home rink and can't really get into the feel of other rinks. It’s understandable I won't take it personally.”

“Ahh no no!!” Yuuri gestures frantically “That's not it at all! I just uh…” Yuuri scrambles to try to reassure Yuuko “I mean. It's just. I got nervous around so many other skaters!”  _ shit _ Yuuri thinks. He hadn't exactly meant to tell the truth.

“Oh I’m sorry.”

“Yeah me too. I've really missed the ice ever since I stopped skating”

“Why did you stop? Did something happen?”

_ Wait, shit!  _ Internally sighing in defeat Yuuri figures at this point just continuing to be honest with Yuuko is probably his best bet. Internally, he half-heartedly curses those eyes of hers that make her seem so trustworthy and empathetic.

“Yeah actually… I used to go to school in Detroit, you know the university there? I was on the D1 team until last year. I mean I’ve always loved skating since I was a kid back in Japan but I joined the competitive circuit pretty late in high school. I was lucky enough to get scouted by Coach Celestino at the end of my third year and things were really starting to take off last year. I was actually thinking, hoping really, to get scouted by a national team…. but anyway I had a bad fall ruptured some discs in my back, a few vertebrae fractures later and now I'm here. The university here had a better program for my major so transferring seemed like the sensible thing to do.” Yuuri turns his best attempt at a smile on Yuuko, not wanting her to feel bad after telling such a depressing story, but he can feel how fake it must look, lips pulled too tight and cheeks pushing his eyes closed so you can barely see that the smile doesn't reach them. “Anyway!” He interjects, making a beeline for a tomato stand and out of the tense moment.

Yuuko trails behind Yuuri slightly, and when she joins him she seems lost in thought, wringing her hands slightly, seeming overly focused on the tomato she picks up, turning it over in her hands as her brows pinch together. Yuuri stays silent, letting her deliberate over whatever it is in peace, and silently hoping she'll let the topic drop.

“So you're from Japan too!”

Yuuri startles at the sudden and obvious topic change but Yuuko smiles brightly at him and he feels more at ease again. “Yeah, I'm from the Kyuushuu region.”

“So are we! What are the chances! My parents moved here and started the ice rink back in the 80s so I mostly grew up here but we visited a lot. It's actually where I met my husband Takeshi! You should come over for tea sometime! The girls always love it when we have visitors.”

Yuuri thinks of sitting around a kotatsu drinking tea and talking comfortably in his native language, for a moment he sees the spaces around the low table filled with familiar faces and the tabletop spread with his favorite foods and the image warms his heart. It’s been years since he's been home to see his family and the small comfort of the familiarity Yuuko is offering him brings a soft smile to his face. “That sounds really nice. I’d like that.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello All!
> 
> This is my first attempt at posting fanfiction. I'm not even sure if I will continue with this story or not. I think it depends a lot on what kind of response I get. So do let me know your thoughts in the comments!
> 
> Tbh I actually wrote this a little over a year ago, but I wasn't (and still am not) confident in my writing skills so I scrapped the idea of writing fic altogether and that was that, but recently I've been revisiting this piece and debating whether or not to give it a go again and finally I figured why not. I'll probably need to rewatch YOI before I can properly continue this so I don't know when/and if this will update. I don't know much about the specifics of figure skating (I do know it's not a university sport but just go with it) nor do I have any writing qualifications but I do know I have a story inside of me about the emotional journey of realizing everything you set your sights on was not meant to be and learning to find yourself, love yourself, and let yourself be loved again. So please treat me gently and I'll gladly listen to your thoughts, tips, and advice in the comments.
> 
> I do have a sort of plan for this story, if I continue it, and if it goes according to the plan it would be a quite long and winding story but stories kind of write themselves so I really don't know what would happen. Side Note: The current title is a working title for now. Idk if it will change later on to better fit the story but it is what it is for now and same goes for p much everything else abt this fic. Also I'm rly struggling with the formating on here lol sorry >.<


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